For people who just moved to a new city for a job
It's free. Put down a deposit, do the plan, and you win your money back.
You've done what everyone told you. The events, the apps, the work happy hour. Names that didn't last a few weeks. That's not you failing. That's advice failing. What you need isn't another tip. It's a system that builds friends for you: the rooms picked, the nights on your calendar, the words to say when you walk in, the count every Sunday. Thirty days in, there's a room where they know your name, a group chat that lights up, and a Friday with plans. That's what the Challenge is.
What the move just did
People who relocate for a job report their loneliness doubled after the move. 56% are still struggling three months later.
IMPACT Group, People Perspective on Relocation Survey, 3,078 transfereesThat's how much of a close circle is still there seven years later. Half of it turns over. The people who stayed the same size were replacing it the whole time.
Mollenhorst, Utrecht University, 2009, 604 people re-interviewedapart is enough. Feeling close the day you leave does nothing if the contact stops. Best friendships downgraded to "close" or "casual" within the first year away, except the ones that kept talking.
Roberts & Dunbar, Personal Relationships 2011 · Oswald & Clark, 2003of Americans now have no close friends at all. It was 3% in 1990. Men with six or more close friends: 55% then, 27% now.
Survey Center on American Life, 2021is the entry fee for one casual friend. 200 for a close one. Every month you wait is a month those hours didn't start, in a city where everyone else's started years ago.
Hall, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 2018"Been here 4 years, no friends." "Seven months and still no real friends." "It can easily take more than a year." The ones past the first couple months all say it doesn't fix itself.
Blind, verbatim, people who moved for the jobThe circle you had ran on proximity: same office, same bars, same Tuesday. The move took the proximity away in a weekend, and the data says closeness doesn't survive that without the contact. So what's left of the old circle is thinning by the month, the new one hasn't logged a single hour, and the window is the first couple months. "Later" isn't neutral. Nothing dramatic happens. It just gets a little harder every week you don't go.
What a thin circle costs
as likely to be thinking about quitting the job, if you're lonely. Five times as many days missed for stress.
Cigna, Loneliness and the Workplace, 2020, 10,441 adultssay the emotional hit of the move significantly hurts their focus at the job they moved for. A field study of 672 employees found lonelier employees rated lower on performance by their supervisors.
IMPACT Group · Ozcelik & Barsade, Academy of Management Journal 2018of employees have considered leaving, or have left, an employer because of loneliness at work.
People Management / Attest poll, UKdipped into savings to make the move. 14% went into debt for it. If the circle never comes, that money bought a bigger apartment to be alone in.
IMPACT Group relocation surveyCigarettes. That's the mortality risk the U.S. Surgeon General puts on lacking social connection. Heart disease up 29%, stroke up 32%.
Surgeon General's Advisory, May 2023as likely to develop depression if you're often lonely. And the people who eventually leave don't leave the job. They leave the city, one to five years in.
Social Psychiatry & Psychiatric Epidemiology 2022 · Blind, verbatimAnd it doesn't fix itself. Seven months in, still no real friends. A year. Four years, no friends, and the rooftop view nobody's seen but you. The first couple months are when it happens. Everybody past them says so.
What a full circle pays
Managers whose networks bridge different groups get promoted earlier, paid more, and rated higher than managers whose contacts all know each other.
Burt, Structural Holes, University of Chicagoof hires come through referrals, from 7% of applicants. Referred hires stay 70% longer. The next job comes from someone who knows you.
iCIMS · Jobvite referral dataLinkedIn users in a causal experiment: weaker ties produced more new jobs than close ones. Your outer circle is where the offers come from.
Rajkumar et al., Science 2022higher adult income for people raised where friendships cross class lines. The strongest predictor of moving up that the study found.
Chetty et al., Nature 2022, 21 billion friendshipsas likely to be engaged at work with a best friend there. Without one, the odds are 1 in 12.
Gallup Q12The Harvard Study of Adult Development, running since 1938: the strongest predictor of health and happiness at 80 was satisfaction with relationships at 50. Not cholesterol. Not money.
Harvard Study of Adult DevelopmentA system that builds friends
Here's what thirty days looks like when the system runs. Tuesday, you walk into a room where the guy at the door says your name. Thursday, somebody saves you a seat. Saturday morning, the group chat is planning brunch and you're in it. By week four, someone texts you first on a Wednesday. The ones who'd pick up at 2am start showing up in your Close Friends. The city stops being a place you work and starts being a place you live.
None of that takes talent. It takes the right room, the right nights, the right line at the door, and someone counting with you so it doesn't slip. That's the system. The Challenge is its first thirty days.
Proof
"Then finally I just gave in. I gave in because I had to do something, and I saw this and said what the heck, I'm going to try it. And it worked."
"I wasn't sure what to expect. I've never taken a call of this nature before. It exceeded my expectations."
"Mind opening. Like a warm hug. Just a few minutes of talking through that, and it allowed me to think and really feel things that I've been meaning to feel for a long time."
Thirteen people on camera, filmed right after, no script and no edit. Watch all of them, and see how the method was built.
How the Challenge works
Thirty new people in your circle by day 30 is the plan working. Then you decide what's next.
The two guarantees, in writing
Change your mind at any point and it's refunded in full. No conditions.
"Do the plan" is the four lines above, plus the Sunday count. Nothing else.
Start here
Half an hour on the phone. I explain the Challenge, how it works, and whether it's for you. If it's not, you'll know that too.
The New In Town 30-in-30 Social Circle Challenge